Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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