sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
