oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
