I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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