Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
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when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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