Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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