You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
