Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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