Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
