why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
