Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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