I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
