Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
