no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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