I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
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Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
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and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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