what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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