I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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