hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
