I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
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Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
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Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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