I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
