What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
