Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
