Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
