I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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