yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize