i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
