I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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