you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
