if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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