The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
