I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
