There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
