Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
