Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
