I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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