If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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