You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
