How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
