I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
