So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
