you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
