he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
