Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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