It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
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The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
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Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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