I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
