I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
