Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
