his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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