Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
