New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
