Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
