Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
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Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
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i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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