So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
