Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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