Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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