He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
as a side note pls kill me
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