like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
