Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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