Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
