I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
