Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
