you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
