Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
