Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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