Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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