I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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