how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
