i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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