Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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