two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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