I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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