Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
