I cannot find my penis.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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