She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
