I want to walk on stilts...naked
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
