Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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