Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When are your genitals available?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
