Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
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No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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